Laidback Gourmet: Dunkin Donuts Brownie Batter Hearts

Welcome to a special Valentine edition of the Laidback Gourmet. When you think about Valentines Day, what do you think of? Hearts? Chocolate? Half naked flying infants armed with arrows? Well Dunkin Donuts has got you covered this year with 2 out of 3 of those.

You’ll have to wait til next year for infant flavored donuts.

It seems like every year around this time Dunkin Donuts takes the a donut, cut it into a heart shape, and cram it with something chocolate. So what have them come up with this year? Well, I just showed you… this thing:

Didn’t you see it the first time?

First of all, I applaud Dunkin Donuts for apparently ditching the silly ‘traditional’ heart shape. No they clearly went for the anatomical accurate 4 chambered blob of muscle, a bold choice. You know what the really crazy thing is. Ive actually heard from some people that this shape reminds them more of an ass than a heart. Come on people, that’s really immature and pretty silly, in what way could this thing possibly look like an as…

Don’t think Goatse!


…let’s move ahead. As I was explaining, that it seems like every year Dunkin Donuts creates a new chocolate donut for Valentines Day while still somehow using the same ingredients they’ve been using for the past 100 years. You know, the Taco Bell Method. This year, its a standard chocolate glazed donut filled with Brownie Batter. You know, the term “Brownie Batter” doesn’t make the previous picture any better.

All jokes aside, as someone who loves Brownies, both from the box and from scratch, this could be delicious. Brownie Batter is one of those batters that you know you shouldn’t eat because it contains raw eggs, but it just tastes so damned good you cant help but do it anyway and Salmonella be damned. So as someone who loves Brownies, Brownie Batter, and chocolate in general I’m going into this one with high hopes. Let’s give a shot.

*om nom nom*

…and all hopes are dashed to pieces.

The filling is terrible, and so little of it! (old joke)

Alright, where to begin? First of all, this is not Brownie Batter. It’s not anything even remotely LIKE brownie batter. It’s chocolate frosting. It tastes exactly like canned chocolate cake frosting just squeezed into a donut. In fact, remember my Yan Yan stick review? Remember the chocolate frosting you dipped your biscuits into? Yea, its basically that stuff just jammed into a donut.

The donut itself is just too doughy which works ok when the filling is cream filled or jelly filled, something less thick than whatever been put inside this thing. However, when you have something amounts to the same taste and texture as chocolate frosting, the whole thing just becomes a thick gummy mess in your mouth.

Texture issues aside the whole thing doens’t even taste that good. It’s somehow too sweet and yet even though its crammed with chocolate and topped with chocolate, it still doesn’t feel chocolatey enough. Probably because its really crappy chocolate. It comes off more like “chocolate flavored” than actual chocolate. My review: if you in the mood for a chocolate donut fix, skip this one and just buy the regular chocolate glazed one. It’s a much better chocolate fix.

Well that concludes this heart-felt edition of the Laidback Gourmet. Hey, you know how I always end these Laidbacks with the whole send me your comments and suggestions? Well, I’d like to thank the wonderfully intelligent, beautiful and charming reader, Rachel, for this week’s suggestion. If you’re a fanboy or fangirl and want me to lavishly praise you for your suggestions, go on and send them to Until next time, I’m Ed DiFolco, your Laidback Gourmet, reminding you that Mr. Eddie takes care of his fans!

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