You know the deal, no more stalling. Here we go…
#60 – Johnny Cash
MOVIE: Walk The Line (2005)
ACTOR: Joaquin Phoenix
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Johnny Cash was the man. He single-handedly made country music NOT suck. If you don’t like country music because of acts like Garth Brooks or that broad from “American Idol,” trust me… Cash is nothing like those white-bread vanilla singers. Cash was the man. He dressed in black, played by his own rules and his songs were about sex and drugs and complete darkness. Johnny Cash was metal.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: Cash decides he’s going to record an entire live album. Why is this so hardcore? Because he decides to do it in front of a group rowdy, hardened criminals at Folsom Prison.
BAD ASS LINE: “Don’t give me no rules. All I got are rules.”
#59 – Agent K
MOVIE: Men In Black (1997)
ACTOR: Tommy Lee Jones
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: The Men In Black are a top secret organization that polices intergalactic operations and activities by aliens and visitors on the planet Earth. Agent K is the baddest man in the agency, and it’s his job to teach a borderline annoying Agent J the ropes. He can spot aliens, erase your memory, drives a sweet ride and carries some bad ass guns… and he looks pretty damn cool doing it all.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: After a huge roach-like alien has eaten his laser cannon, he challenges the bug to eat him as well. Moments after the bug obliges, K finds the gun in his stomach and then BLASTS HIS WAY THROUGH OUT. Awesome.
BAD ASS LINE: “We are the best kept secret in the galaxy. We monitor, licence and police all alien activity on the Earth. We’re your first, last, and only line of defense. We live in secret, we exist in shadow.”
#58 – Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker
MOVIE: Return of the Jedi (1983)
ACTOR: Mark Hammil
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Through all of Star Wars and most of Empire Strikes Back, Luke was kind of a pussy. Let’s face facts. He whined and bitched and acted like a little girl. But then he gets his chopped off by Vader, who he finds out is actually his dad and Jedi rolls around and BAM! All of a sudden, looks like Manned Up. He’s sporting a sweet cloak that’s reminiscent more of Sith then Jedi, he’s got some sweet Jedi powers, he makes his own light sabre, and he just whips a lot of ass. Huge improvement over the previous two movies. Still overshadowed by Han Solo, though…
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: All movie Yoda is buzzing in his ear,”You must defeat Vader, blah blah blah.” The Emperor is telling him “Yo, you have to kill your father.” But Skywalker is fed up with it. At the end of the film, he’s got Vader beat. The Emperor is yelling at him to kill him, but Luke throws down and his light sabre, flips him the bird and says “Screw you, old man, I’m not killing my dad.” Well, maybe not like that… but that’s the spirit of it.
BAD ASS LINE: “Nevertheless, I’m taking Captain Solo and his friends. You can either profit by this or be destroyed. It’s your choice, but I warn you not to underestimate my power.”
#57 – Marv
MOVIE: Sin City (2005)
ACTOR: Mickey Rourke
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Big, dumb, and ugly. Marv ain’t exactly a winner. But one night a prostitute named Goldie shows him the night of his life in hopes that he can protect from some unknown threat. But he wakes up to find her dead anyway, so he goes on a one man crusade to get revenge on the people that killed the only person that’s ever showed him any kindness. Oh, and did I mention he’s built like a tank and can apparently absorb more punishment than Jason Voorhees?
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: When he finally meets up with the silent villain, Kevin, he hacks off all his limbs and feeds them to some ravenous dogs.
BAD ASS LINE: “I’ll stare the bastard in the face as he screams to God, and I’ll laugh harder when he whimpers like a baby. And when his eyes go dead, the hell I send him to will seem like heaven after what I’ve done to him.”
#56 – El Mariachi
MOVIE: Desperado (1995)
ACTOR: Antonio Banderas
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Gangsters killed his girlfriend and crippled his guitar playing hand… now he’s back for revenge. Oh sure, the guitar case looks innocent, but that ain’t not guitar in there. Chances are, he opens that case… you’re fucking dead.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: He sleeps with Salma Hayek. SALMA HAYEK.
BAD ASS LINE: [After a priest asks him if he wants confession] “Maybe later, Father. ‘Cause where I am going, I’d just have to come right back”
#55 – Tom Stall
MOVIE: A History of Violence(2005)
ACTOR: Viggo Mortensen
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Tom Stall is just coffee shop owner in a sleepy little town. Or is he? After some thugs try to rob his diner, Tom goes “Rambo” on their asses and takes them out in a impressive, and violent, manner. Praised by the press, Tom just downplays his heroics. Then one day some gangsters from Philadelphia come to town and claim that Tom is really a gangster named Joey Cusack that disappeared from Philly right around the time Tom appeared in his neck of the woods. Is Tom a gangster or just a lucky hero who just happens to be a complete bad ass?
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: Richie Cusasck, Joey’s brother, has called Joey back to his old home to “have a talk” (in other words, kill him.) Joey proceeds to take out ever mafioso in the entire damn house as well as his brother before calmly leaving, getting back in his truck and driving back home.
BAD ASS LINE: “I should have killed you back in Philly. ”
#54 – Tallahassee
MOVIE: Zombieland (2009)
ACTOR: Woody Harrelson
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: You’re a single father. You love your son more than anything in the world. Then the zombie apocalypse happens… and the undead rotting bastards eat your son. What do you do? Well, you destroy every zombie in sight while on a psychotic quest to find Twinkies. Of course.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: When Tallahassee go back to an amusement park to save that hot girl from Superbad and the weird little girl from Little Miss Sunshine at an amusement park, he holes himself up in a game booth and takes down every damn zombie in the joint.
BAD ASS LINE: Columbus: “He Was in the Ass-Kicking Business and…” Tallahassee: “business is *good*!”
#53 – Oh Dae-Su
MOVIE: Oldboy (2003)
ACTOR: Min-Sik Choi
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Check it, this dude was imprisoned for fifteen years… and no one ever told him why! It wasn’t the police, or the government. It was just some dude with a vendetta that locked him up for fifteen years with ZERO contact with the outside world. Think that’ll mess you up a little bit? Oh, and all that time in prison? He spent punching walls and practicing how to fight. So when he finally escapes and seeks revenge on his captor… well, damn, son… shit gets real.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: Armed with only a hammer. A HAMMER. He takes out about 15 guys in a small, enclosed hallway in one of the most brutal and bad ass “one vs many” fight sequences ever filmed.
BAD ASS LINE: [While interrogating someone by using a claw hammer to pull out his teetch] “Each one I yank out will make you age for one year. Ready to talk?”
#52 – Leon
MOVIE: The Professional (1994)
ACTOR: Jean Reno
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Who knew a French guy could be such a bad ass? Leon is a “cleaner.” He’s someone that the right people know to go and “clean” up messes. (Pssst, if you haven’t figured it out, he’s a hitman.) One day, his 13 year old next door neighbor witnesses a murder by a crooked cop, and he reluctantly agrees to help her. Only thing is, she wants help learning how to kill people too. Leon doesn’t like his newfound father-figure position, but slowly comes to love the little girl as his own… and when she gets in trouble, do you think anybody’s going to get in his way?
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: SPOILER!!! Stansfiled, the crooked cop, has gotten the better of Leon and shot him in the back. Dying, Leon hands Stansfield something and laughs. Right as Leon dies, Stansfield opens his hand sees it’s the pin from a grenade… he looks down and sees that Leon is strapped with grenades. Boom.
BAD ASS LINE: “The rifle is the first weapon you learn how to use, because it lets you keep your distance from the client. The closer you get to being a pro, the closer you can get to the client. The knife, for example, is the last thing you learn.”
#51 – Vincent
MOVIE: Collateral (2004)
ACTOR: Tom Cruise
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Vincent is an enigmatic hitman who hijacks a cab-driver (played by Jaime Fox) for a night and makes him his unofficial chauffeur for a night of murder.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: Odd as it may sound, Tom Cruise is a total bad ass in this film. It’s hard to choose just one scene… but pretty much any scene where he’s killing people. He just does it so damn well that you start to question your life choices and think that maybe you should have become a hitman instead of going to college. Vincent is one dangerous customer and you are truly frightened of Tom Cruise. And not for his Scientology craziness either.
BAD ASS LINE: “You killed him?” Vincent: “No, I shot him. Bullets and the fall killed him.”
All right, folks, that’s it for now. Stay tuned to Superfriends for the next installment of the 100 Greatest Movie Bad Asses!
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