DVD of the Day Presents: The 100 Greatest Movie Bad-Asses (#70-61)

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#’s 100 – 91
#’s 90 – 81
#’s 80 – 71



You know the deal, no more stalling. Here we go…


#70 – Big Chris




MOVIE: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)
ACTOR: Vinnie Jones
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Mob debt collector. Look at him… you’ll give him whatever he damn well wants. He’s on the trail of some idiots who have stolen some money and some shotguns, and he’s going to get them… along with the help of his 10 year old son, Little Chris.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: While retrieving some stolen money from some moron, the guy pisses him off so bad he brutally kills him repeatedly ramming a car door into his head.
BAD ASS LINE: “I understand if this has come as a bit of a shock. But let me tell you how this can be resolved by you… He likes your bar… He wants your bar… Do you want me to draw you a picture? ”


#69 – V




MOVIE: V For Vendetta (2006)
ACTOR: Hugo Weaving
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: After being imprisoned by the British government in a 1984-style dystopian future and experimented on, the prisoner known only as “V” vows vengeance on everyone who ruined his life. V wears a mask that resembles Guy Fawkes, who once tried to burn down Parliament on November 5, 1605. V is going to take down the government, his captors and blow up Parliament on the same day… and nothing’s going to get in his way.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: After an entire squad of police empty all their rounds into his chest, V remains standing, revealing he head a metal chest plate underneath to protect him. While the gunmen try to reload, V quietly says “My turn” and mows every one of them down before they have a chance to blink.
BAD ASS LINE: “No, what you have are bullets, and the hope that when your guns are empty, I’m no longer standing, because if I am… you’ll all be dead before you’ve reloaded.”


#68 – Hit Girl




MOVIE: Kick-Ass (2010)
ACTOR: Chloe Moertz
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Oh yeah, she made the list. Hit Girl was raised by an ex-con, ex-police officer hell bent on getting revenge on the mob boss who framed him. He trained his daughter in hand-to-hand combat, how to hand weapons, and how to take a bullet. Laugh if you will, but this little girl could kick your ass before you knew what hit you.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: With Kick-Ass and her father Big Daddy tied up and being tortured by gangsters, Hit Girl makes the save by killing the lights… and everyone else in the room.
BAD ASS LINE: “Okay you cunts… Let’s see what you can do now!”


#67 – Danny Ocean




MOVIE: Ocean’s Eleven (2001)
ACTOR: George Clooney
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: A little different than most of the rest of our list. Ocean isn’t exactly beating the hell out of people. Check this out for bad ass: The day he’s released from prison, he breaks parole then begins to set up an entire heist to steal millions of dollars from a casino owned by the guy that stole his wife. On top of this, he’s doing this out in the open… during a huge fight night. That’s balls.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: I won’t ruin the moment if you haven’t seen it… but let’s just say that Ocean and his crew literally walk out the door of the casino with the stolen money.
BAD ASS LINE: “Cause the house always wins. Play long enough, you never change the stakes. The house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet and you bet big, then you take the house.”


#66 – Nada




MOVIE: They Love (1988)
ACTOR: Roddy Piper
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Nada’s a drifter that’s just looking for some work. That’s all he wants. Except accidentally stumbles on an evil alien conspiracy to keep all us humans under their thumb. They look exactly like us… and he can only spot them when he wears special sunglasses. Now that he knows the truth, he’s going to make sure the entire world knows what it’s up against.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: Click Here to Watch The Greatest Fight Scene of All Time
BAD ASS LINE: “I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass… and I’m all out of bubblegum.”


#65 – Captain Jack Sparrow




MOVIE: The Pirates of the Caribbean series (2003-2007)
ACTOR: Johnny Depp
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Jack Sparrow looks like an idiot, acts like an idiot… and is at times a complete idiot. However, this does not diminish his bad ass skills. Sparrow is the coolest damn pirate you have ever seen. Seriously. Name ONE pirate cooler than Cap’n Jack.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: Pirates 3 was pretty terrible. But the best part of that movie was the last 20 minutes. You have Captain Jack and Davy Jones on top of the masts of the Black Pearl in a SWORD FIGHT as the ship gets sucked down a friggin’ WHIRL POOL. How awesome is that?
BAD ASS LINE: After being accused of cheating in a sword fight: “Pirate.”


#64 – Erik Draven




MOVIE: The Crow (1994)
ACTOR: Brandon Lee
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: What happens when you are fed up with your apartment’s safety violations and you send a letter to the landlord… but that land lord happens to be a local drug lord? And what happens if that drug lord sends a crew of scum bags to kill you, then rape and kill your girlfriend? Well, naturally a crow spirit is going to reincarnate you with super powers and you’ll exact bloody revenge. Naturally.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: All the local gangsters are at a sit-down meeting above a night club. Erik Draven comes looking for Skank, one of the men that raped his girlfriend. Top Dollar, the main villain, orders everyone to empty their clips into the undead Draven. Naturally. It doesn’t hurt him and he proceeds to kill everyone in sight while “After the Flesh” by My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult blasts in the background.
BAD ASS LINE: “He was already dead. He died a year ago the moment he touched her. They’re all dead. They just don’t know it yet.”


#63 – Michael Sullivan




MOVIE: Road To Perdition (2002)
ACTOR: Tom Hanks
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Tom Hanks… a bad ass? If you’re asking this question, you clearly have never seen Road to Perdition where Hanks plays Michael Sullivan, a mob enforcer who wants revenge on a fellow gangster for killing his wife and youngest son. This gangster happens to be the Boss’ son, however, so Sullivan must flee with his oldest son to avoid getting killed while he buys time to plot his revenge.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: Rooney, the crime boss, is being led to his car by a band of thugs. Sullivan manages to take out each and every one of them by himself. Rooney, who was like a father to Sullivan, is left standing alone. With tears in his eyes he shoots down his father figure because he’s the only one who stands in his way of revenge.
BAD ASS LINE: While robbing one of Al Capone’s banks: “Actually, I’m making a withdrawal. And I want dirty money only, everything you’re holding for Capone that’s off the books. Open the safe.”
Bank Manager: “You’re insane. You know they’ll find out who you are.”
Sullivan: “The name’s Sullivan. You want me to spell it?”


#62 – Jake & Elwood Blues




MOVIE: The Blues Brothers (1980)
ACTOR: John Belushi & Dan Akroyd
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: They’re on a mission from God to save a church from going bankrupt. They round up all of their old good-for-nothing friends (with AWESOME blues musical numbers as they do it) to “get the band back together” to play a benefit concert to raise the money. Of course, they’re a bunch of ex-cons and the cops are on their tail the whole time. It’s the most bad ass musical ever. And let’s face it, no matter how hard you try… you couldn’t look this cool if you tried.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: In a car chase scene that will live in infamy, they out race a group of vindictive neo-Nazis, a platoon of cops and the friggin’ ARMY to get to city hall on time to turn in the money to save the church.
BAD ASS LINE: “It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses.” “Hit it.”


#61 – Lt. Aldo Raine




MOVIE: Inglourious Basterds (2009)
ACTOR: Brad Pitt
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Raine commands an entire squad of Jewish-American soldiers with one mission: Step 1 – Infiltrate France. Step 2 – Kill Nazis. Step 3 – Scalp Nazis. That ALONE gets you on this list.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: After his superiors make a deal with Col Hans Landa (who is one of the greatest screen villains ever) and offer him his freedom, Raine decides he doesn’t like the deal. Landa is a Nazi after all and Raine is a man of conviction. He shoots Landa’s guard, then decides, sure… Landa can live… but he doesn’t like the idea of him just running around the US, free as a bird. So he decides to give him a little present just so EVERYONE knows he used to be a Nazi. That present? Carving swastika into his forehead with the biggest damn knife you’ve ever seen.
BAD ASS LINE: I just have to include this entire monologue: “My name is Lt. Aldo Raine and I’m putting together a special team, and I need me eight soldiers. Eight Jewish-American soldiers. Now, y’all might’ve heard rumors about the armada happening soon. Well, we’ll be leaving a little earlier. We’re gonna be dropped into France, dressed as civilians. And once we’re in enemy territory, as a bushwhackin’ guerrilla army, we’re gonna be doin’ one thing and one thing only… killin’ Nazis. Now, I don’t know about y’all, but I sure as hell didn’t come down from the goddamn Smoky Mountains, cross five thousand miles of water, fight my way through half of Sicily and jump out of a fuckin’ air-o-plane to teach the Nazis lessons in humanity. Nazi ain’t got no humanity. They’re the foot soldiers of a Jew-hatin’, mass murderin’ maniac and they need to be dee-stroyed. That’s why any and every every son of a bitch we find wearin’ a Nazi uniform, they’re gonna die. Now, I’m the direct descendant of the mountain man Jim Bridger. That means I got a little Injun in me. And our battle plan will be that of an Apache resistance. We will be cruel to the Germans, and through our cruelty they will know who we are. And they will find the evidence of our cruelty in the disemboweled, dismembered, and disfigured bodies of their brothers we leave behind us. And the German won’t not be able to help themselves but to imagine the cruelty their brothers endured at our hands, and our boot heels, and the edge of our knives. And the German will be sickened by us, and the German will talk about us, and the German will fear us. And when the German closes their eyes at night and they’re tortured by their subconscious for the evil they have done, it will be with thoughts of us they are tortured with. Sound good?”
The Basterds: YES, SIR!
Raine: “That’s what I like to hear. But I got a word of warning for all you would-be warriors. When you join my command, you take on debit. A debit you owe me personally. Each and every man under my command owes me one hundred Nazi scalps. And I want my scalps. And all y’all will git me one hundred Nazi scalps, taken from the heads of one hundred dead Nazis. Or you will die tryin’.”


Fucking awesome.


All right, folks, that’s it for now. Stay tuned to Superfriends for the next installment of the 100 Greatest Movie Bad Asses!

Adolfo

Adolfo is a pretentious film douche bag that feels better about wasting four years of film school by posting movie reviews online.

About Adolfo

Adolfo is a pretentious film douche bag that feels better about wasting four years of film school by posting movie reviews online.
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