DVD of the Day Presents: The 100 Greatest Movie Bad-Asses (#80-71)

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#’s 100 – 91

#’s 90 – 81



You know the deal, no more stalling. Here we go…


#80 – Bryan Mills




MOVIE: Taken (2009)
ACTOR: Liam Neeson
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Mills is a retired secret service agent that takes on freelance security work to pay the bills. His only joy in life is his teenage daughter, who he loves more than anything. She goes to Europe with some buddies, and immediately is kidnapped by a sex-slave cartel. Oh no, son. Oh no you didn’t.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: While torturing a suspect, he wires him to the building’s electrical system. Every time the scumbag doesn’t cooperate, he turns on the light, electrocuting the hell out of him. When he finally gets the information he wants, he turns the light back on, leaves it on and walks out the door.
BAD ASS LINE: “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”


#79 – King Leonidas




MOVIE: 300 (2007)
ACTOR: Gerard Butler
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: King Xerxes is going across the land demanding kingdoms bow down and worship him. When he tries this with King Leonidas, bad ass king of Sparta… well, it doesn’t go over well.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: The entire plot of the movie is his bad ass moment. He knows he’s out numbered by Xerxes’ army. Xerxes has tens of THOUSANDS of warriors, while Leonidas has just 300. Yet, he still man’s up and leads the charge against the Persian army. Some would call that dumb… I call it hardcore.
BAD ASS LINE: “The world will know that free men stood against a tyrant, that few stood against many, and before this battle was over, even a god-king can bleed.”


#78 – Harry Tasker




MOVIE: True Lies (1994)
ACTOR: Arnold Schwarzenegger
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: A secret agent that hunts down and eliminates threats against the United States, Tasker hides this identity from his wife and daughter who think he’s a dull computer salesman. When his private life and his secret agent life collide, however, he must save his failing marriage, save his daughter and save the world.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: Tasker steals a Harrier jet (seriously) to rescue his daughter from a high-rise building taken over by terrorist Aziz. Aziz jumps on the plane to get at Tasker, but falls off and his clothes get caught on the missile. Tasker declares “You’re fired” and fires the missile into the building, Aziz and all, and blows him the hell up.
BAD ASS LINE: TASKER: I’m going to kill you pretty soon. INTERROGATOR: I see. How, exactly? TASKER: First I’m going to use you as a human shield. Then I’m going to kill this guard over here with the Patterson trocar on the table. And then I was thinking about breaking your neck. INTERROGATOR: And what makes you think you can do all that? TASKER: You know my handcuffs?… I picked them.


#77 – Rorschach




MOVIE: Watchmen (2009)
ACTOR: Jackie Earl Haley
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Hardcore vigilante “super hero” that wears a mask that resembles an ink blot test. He has no powers, but man, can he beat people up. In this movie reality, superheroes were outlawed, but Rorschach ignored the law when others didn’t, and continued his fight against (and brutal beat down of) crime.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: On the case of trying to find a missing little girl, he discovers that the little girl was killed and fed to dogs. He finds the child rapist/murder and proceeds to drive a meat cleaver into his head… repeatedly.
BAD ASS LINE: After being imprisoned and nearly killing another inmate: “None of you seem to understand. I’m not locked in here with you. You’re locked in here with ME!”


#76 – Kick-Ass




MOVIE: Kick-Ass (2010)
ACTOR: Aaron Johnson
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Dave Lizewski is a comic book geek that thinks “Why CAN’T there be superheroes?” So he buys a costume, some weapons and proceeds to go out… and get his ass nearly crippled. After coming out of the hospital, he discovers that his nerves are so shot that he can absorb a hell of a lot of pain. So he goes out and proceeds to become a real-life superhero. Yeah, he gets his ass kicked, again and again… but he gets up and keeps fighting again and again.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: Four words: Jet Pack Machine Guns.
BAD ASS LINE: “The three assholes, laying into one guy while everybody else watches? And you wanna know what’s wrong with me? Yeah, I’d rather die… so bring it on!”


#75 – Conan




MOVIE: Conan The Barbarian (1982)
ACTOR: Arnold Schwarzenegger
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Conan is a barbarian that is hired by a king to rescue his daughter from the thrall of an evil cult. When Conan takes the job, he discovers the leader of the cult is the same man who, when Conan was a boy, killed his father, beheaded his mother, destroyed his village, stole his father’s sword, and sold him into child slavery. Oh, it’s on bitches.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: When Thulsa Doom attempts to hypnotize Conan into believing he is father, Conan resists him and chops Dooms head off with his father’s broken sword.
BAD ASS LINE: “Conan, what is best in life?” “To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.”


#74 – Sherlock Holmes




MOVIE: Sherlock Holmes (2009)
ACTOR: Robert Downey, Jr.
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: This ain’t your daddy’s Sherlock Holmes. THIS Holmes is a drunk, a gambler, a master of disguise, a sarcastic asshole and fights in underground boxing matches. THIS Holmes can whoop your ass. On top of that, he’s also the world’s greatest detective.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: While in what could only be described as a Victorian-era version of a fight club, Holmes is able to predict every one of his opponent’s moves seconds ahead of time and is able to formulate an entire plan of attack around it… and he succeeds in not only defeating the larger foe, but breaking his ribs and nose.
BAD ASS LINE: “Head cocked to the left, partial deafness in ear: first point of attack. Two: throat; paralyze vocal chords, stop scream. Three: got to be a heavy drinker, floating rib to the liver. Four: finally, drag in left leg, fist to patella. Summary prognosis: unconscious in ninety seconds, martial efficacy quarter of an hour at best. Full faculty recovery: unlikely.”


#73 – Cherry Darling




MOVIE: Grindhouse: Planet Terror (2007)
ACTOR: Rose McGowan
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Just your average everyday zombie movie, with your average hot chick in danger. Only difference… she has a machine gun leg. Wait… what?
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: Did you miss the part where I said “machine gun leg?” What do you THINK is the most bad ass moment? It’s the part where she’s blowing up zombies with her fucking machine gun leg! (Although… how does she pull the trigger…?)
BAD ASS LINE: “I wish you could see us, us two. It’s like you said it would be. Two against the world, baby. Two against the world.”


#72 – Doc Holiday




MOVIE: Tombstone (1993)
ACTOR: Val Kilmer
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Doc Holiday is part of Wyatt Earp’s posse to clean up the town of Tombstone. What makes him stand out over everyone else in the posse is that he’s also dying of tuberculosis. You’d think that would stop the average gunslinger. Doc Holiday ain’t your average gunslinger.
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: Johnny Ringo, leader of the gang of outlaws that are terrorizing Tombstone, challenges Wyatt Earp to a showdown to end the conflict between both sides. Doc knows that Earp can’t take Ringo. So even though he’s DYING and can barely breathe without coughing up blood, Doc shows up for the showdown with Ringo in Wyatt’s place and kills Ringo with one shot. Earp shows up late, sees what Doc did and then the two of them proceed to take out the rest of the outlaws together.
BAD ASS LINE: “I’m your huckleberry.”


#71 – Dutch




MOVIE: Predator (1987)
ACTOR: Arnold Schwarzenegger
BAD ASS CREDENTIALS: Dutch and his group of commandos are sent down to South America to rescue some downed airmen. While down there they realize their entire squad is being hunted down by an unknown, invisible creature. One-by-one, his squad goes down. Only Dutch is left standing. It’s on!
MOST BAD ASS MOMENT: The entire last third of the movie. With everyone in his squad dead, Dutch proceeds to make weapons and traps to take down the alien Predator. What follows is an epic battle between man and beast.
BAD ASS LINE: “You’re one… *ugly* motherfucker! ”


All right, folks, that’s it for now. Stay tuned to Superfriends for the next installment of the 100 Greatest Movie Bad Asses!

Adolfo

Adolfo is a pretentious film douche bag that feels better about wasting four years of film school by posting movie reviews online.

About Adolfo

Adolfo is a pretentious film douche bag that feels better about wasting four years of film school by posting movie reviews online.
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