KRS One – Back To The L.A.B. (Lyrical Ass Beating) [2010]
Written by Big D
“decrepit”
adjective
Definition: deteriorated, debilitated, especially as a result of age
Butthurt over the internet critiquing him and not giving him respect, KRS-One could not control himself and released a little EP in 2010 called Back To the L.A.B. (The L.A.B. stands for “Lyrical Ass Beating”) to answer them. Surprisingly, some people actually think KRS was attacking them for calling him old. Nope, that’s not it at all. Rakim is old and can still spit. Kool G. Rap too. Jay-Z as well. No, they just think he’s the epitome of the word decrepit – a washed up, grumpy old man who has been whining about the same thing for well over a decade. I figured listening to Back To the L.A.B. can’t be that bad, specially since it’s only six songs and I am of the opinion that long albums can suck me (in which case, MF Grimm has chapped lips). But it turned out to be pure S.O.S.
There is no denying in my mind that KRS-One’s entire fanbase is composed of wigger white kids (or in some cases, grown men who wear jean shorts) starving for attention, who listen to him to come off as “more hip hop” and raise their fists in the air for “black power” hoping that real black people will look past the fact that they were raised on cornfields and find them “cool” and accept them into their culture. Now I’m sure somebody who has way too much time on their hands will dissect that paragraph and think that I am against racial unity, understand in your feeble mind that A) I have never met a black person who is a KRS-One fan post-2000, B) Everytime that I say something negative against KRS-One for being a complete nutjob, he is always defended by somebody who is white, and C) I have friends of all colors, and 90% of them have no idea who KRS-One is and the other 10% hate him.
I was in complete shock after listening to all 20 minutes of Back To The L.A.B.. Read my lips, other than a couple of political “pro-black” bars on “Tek Nology”, EVERY SINGLE SONG ON THIS ALBUM IS ELITIST, ANTI-COMMERCIAL PROPAGANDA. The days of hating on commercial rap and proclaiming yourself happy to be poor have passed me by like a Pharcyde song and quite frankly anybody still stuck in that mindstate in 2010 is as pretentious as they are stupid. If you do not heed my advice and stay away from Back To The L.A.B., firstly, you are a brave soul, and secondly you will realize that all you are going to hear is the same thing as always. Let’s look at the KRS-One checklist:
1. Dissing rappers on the radio? Check
2. Claiming he will never sell out? Check (hilarious considering that even if he tried, he’d get rejected like Charles Barkley
3. Proclaiming himself the unholy ruler of the hip hop culture? Check
4. Rapping off-beat with sloppy rhymes? Check
5. Constantly reminding us that he can destroy any rapper’s career with his rhymes? Oh yes.
Oh and a quick note on #5. When KRS-One beefed with Nelly, I was on his side (I was going through my backpacker elitist phase, but even if I wasn’t I would’ve still been on his side). It’s hilarious to me that KRS-One practically begged all 27 of his fans to boycott Nelly’s album. Yeah, the same album that went on to sell seven million copies. Yeah Kris, you SURE destroyed his career huh? Where were all the elitists who wanted to protect their hero then? Oh, and with #4, I present the Big D challenge. Find me ONE… ONE (no pun intended) – JUST ONE entire 16 Bar KRS-One verse where he rhymes well in the past decade and I’ll give them a medal. Seriously, the guy made classic albums in the 80s, classic albums in the 90s, (and wasn’t that great of a rhymer even back then) and then fell off a cliff. Seriously, KRS-One flatlined after 30 years. What is he, a pro wrestler? Oooooooooooooooo controversy.
Some particularly hilarious highlights come on “Who Da Best”, which already has a title that makes me chortle. “Who Da Best”? Sure as fuck ain’t you. Kris claims all the rappers nowadays spend time playing XBox and will never take his spot. His spot? You mean a broke, smelly, washed up rapper who’s nose is bigger than the Washington Monument and who’s teeth are as crooked as NBA referees? Yeah, I’d really love to be you. KRS says “who’s the most consistent today // if you talkin 2Pac and Big, you late”. Kris, let me ask you something. How can 2Pac and Biggie be even considered the “most consistent today” if neither of them are alive? Even more humor comes with “Show Shocked”, where he attacks commercial rappers and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. See? One line in particular slays me. “I take it back to Go-Kart”, which obviously is KRS talking about the only vehicle he could afford. Maybe Nelly was right about that Rapper’s pension. The beats on Back To The L.A.B. are decent, but it doesn’t matter because KRS goes off beat on just about every song. CHRIST – EVEN GUCCI MANE CAN STAY ON BEAT!
I know that this is just an EP and is only six songs, so I was tempted just to cover all six, but why bother if they’re all the same? Back To The L.A.B. is trash and one of the most mundane, repetitive, hackneyed, soporific, tiresome records I have ever heard. I CANT EVEN TAKE 20 MINUTES OF THIS SHIT! IMAGINE IF IT WERE A FULL LENGTH ALBUM!? Mark my words: If you sit there and diss commercial rap albums for being repetitive and one-dimensional and praise this album,YOU WILL DIE A VIRGIN (or marry a psychotic fat woman). I want my 20 minutes back! Do you know what I could’ve done with those 20 minutes!? Yeah – exactly, you perv! But I digress, KRS’s Back To The L.A.B. is trash. Rather than going back to the Lab, I hope he goes back to his sarcophagus and never comes back. KRS, if you love hip hop so much, do it a favor and leave it alone.
1 Star
