Hey there, welcome to an abbreviated edition of the Laidback Gourmet. Story time: I had a little extra time on my lunch break today so I decided to pop by the Shoprite to buy a 6 pack of Pepsi Max. I’ve never reviewed that stuff but it’d get a high score from me. However, Pepsi Max isn’t the subject of this review.
You see, at my local Shoprite there’s a Dunkin Donuts. So once I was all checked out I was lured in by a giant sign, “APPLE CIDER: TRY IT HOT OR COLD!”. Well I happen to really like apple cider so I figured I would plunk down my money and try it. Honestly, the thought never occurred to me that I should review this because, come on, it’s just Apple Cider, what can I say about it? Well, turns out I have quite a bit to say. So today we’ll be looking at Dunkin Donut’s Ice Cold Apple Cider. Now, long time readers will know that its about here in my review I post a picture of what I’m reviewing but since I was out I don’t have a picture of it, and spoiler alerts, I’m not about to spend any more money of this crap just so I can photograph it’s suckiness. So instead, here’s a picture of a Edward the sparkly vampire being punched out by The Count.
So I think by now you’re probably guessing that I didn’t much care for my beverage. You would be right. I actually drank less than half of it and then tossed it. That’s right, frugal Mr. Eddie, threw away a drink he spent hard earned cash on. That should give you some idea my feelings for this drink.
First off, it was bland. Maybe it was just the way they made my particular drink but the whole thing tasted seriously watered down. Second off it tasted completely synthetic. I don’t know if they actually use real apples in the making of this drink but part of me wonders if any apples were harmed in the making of this beverage. All I could think of was that classic Simpson’s line by Martin: “This is country time lemonade, there’s never been anything close to a real lemon in it!”
Next, even if you could get away from the fake yet bland tasting apple cider, they decided to try to spice it up. I think they tried adding cinnamon and maybe nutmeg, but honestly I couldn’t tell what they actually tried using. Whatever it was they did it wrong. Kind of like a child in the kitchen just throwing random stuff in a bowl saying, “IM BAKING”.
Finally, I think my biggest complaint is that the whole thing just tasted cheap. I’d expect a drink of this quality in a can of off-brand snapple you find at the dollar store (or “Crapple” as I like to call it) but not in nationwide chain at two dollars for a medium size.
Now, to be fair, I only tried the iced version. Maybe the hot version tastes better somehow. Maybe it’s like what Homer Simpson said, “I don’t know why, but FIRE MADE IT GOOD.”. However, I won’t be rushing to give DD any more money to try this crap heated over. Final score: 2/10, and it would have been lower, but even as bad as it was it wasn’t on the same level of awful as that
Candy Blood I reviewed a year ago.
One last thing before I wrap this up. If you want to be completely technical, they aren’t even serving apple ‘cider’. They are serving apple ‘juice’. What’s the difference you ask? Well, I am not the man to explain that to you. Ned, would you mind doing this for me?
Well, that concludes this ranty edition of the Laidback Gourmet. Thank you for reading and as always if you have any comments, suggestions for future reviews, or you just want to write “hoi dhlee” please send them to SuperfriendEd@Gmail.com. Until next time, I’m Ed DiFolco, your Laidback Gourmet, who really can’t wait to go apple picking so I can get some REAL apple cider!