Welcome back to the Laidback Gourmet where we feel you deserved a break today because we love to see you smile and you know you’re loving it. Two unhealthy vices I have in this world are ice cream and chocolate. So there is nothing better than when you can combine both of them into one wonderful entity. Yes, I know what your thinking, isn’t that just chocolate ice cream? Shut up. No, what I’m talking about is dipped ice cream cones. Thats when you take a soft serve ice cream cone and dip it in a special kind of chocolate that hardens immediately into a crisp chocolatey shell. You know, like a Bungalow Bar. Usually you can only get this at ice cream parlors so imagine my surprise and joy when McDonalds started hyping a chocolate dipped cone! I knew I had to try it, and so, here we are:
It’s like Han Conelo frozen in delicious carbonite
For about a dollar fifty I was able to snag one of these frozen confections. It looks pretty good and actually feels pretty heavy in my hand. If its good it’s definitely worth the money. Now let’s see if it’s good or not. I know its pretty early into the review, but let’s take a taste.
What sound effect does one use to represent eating ice cream?
Well, this is a hot mess. Where do I start when it comes to trashing this cone? First off, the chocolate is disgusting. It tastes burnt. There are few things worse in the world of candy than burnt chocolate. This is inexcusable. That means that however they are melting the chocolate they are either doing it at too high a temperature. This is a hate crime against Oompa Loompas.
The other major complaint is the ice cream is either too low in fat content or just not cold enough because its basically liquid in a shell of chocolate. Alright, that’s an exaggeration, its still sort of frozen but I find myself drinking it much more than how one would normally eat a cone. Plus the ice cream flavor itself tastes very muted and watered down. So now we have a case of bad chocolate wrapped around bad ice cream. Do I have any other complaints? Why yes, I do, thank you for asking:
I’ll cut you, man!
Look at how thick this chocolate shell is! You actually have to bite down hard to break into it, which is traditionally NOT what you do with a chocolate shell. Usually the shell is half as thick as this and just breaks apart as you gently bite into it. You typically don’t need to chomp on the cone to get it to break because, as someone with sensitive teeth, that’s a minefield you don’t usually want to walk. Bite too far into the ice cream and your teeth explode. I guess if it was a really good chocolate I wouldn’t mind the thicker shell as much, but as I already established, it’s burnt crap. Its not something you want extra helpings of. Unless, you know, you like burnt crap.
One last thing, this is a legit true story. I left the McDonlads after taking my pics and figured that was enough for the review, but as I was walking to my car, this happened:
Doesn’t look nearly as delicious now, does it?
As much of a heavy coating they put on my cone they didn’t quite get ALL of it, especially at the bottom. Combine that with really liquidity ice cream and you have a cone that bleeds out all over you. Seriously, this thing was doing more than just dripping, it was running like a faucet right through the gaping hole they missed at the bottom of the cone. The rest of the cone ended up in the garbage. Even the rats refused to touch it.
So, final thoughts, a dollar fifty was about 2 bucks too much to spend on this cone. The chocolate was burnt and gross, the ice cream was bland and watery, and it was a huge mess to try to eat. I cannot think of one good thing to say about this cone, and even worse, it wasn’t even very wacky. Final Score:
Well that concludes this angrier than usual edition of the Laidback Gourmet. Thank you, as always, for reading. You can send me thoughts, comments, love mail, and suggestions for future Laidbacks by emailing me at SuperfriendEd@Gmail.com Until next time, I’m Ed DiFolco your Laidback Gourmet, and you can thank my dad, DiFolco Classic, for telling me about the phrase, “Bungalow Bar”. Look it up.