Laidback Gourmet: Lindts Excellence Chili Chocolate Bar

Welcome back to the Laidback Gourmet. I was walking through my local drug store and I was in the mood for some kind of chocolate. As luck would have it my favorite brand of chocolate happened to be on sale: Lindt. This is a personal opinion but I have yet to have chocolate that is better than Lindt. There are more expensive brands with bigger names like Godiva but to me Lindt is king of the hill. So I was definitely gonna grab a bar while it’s on sale. As my eyes scanned the various bars and my wacky-sense(TM) tingled.

I totally took this artsy picture myself… from the internet.

Chili chocolate bar? Chocolate with extra of chili pepper in it? If I was not a big fan of chef Alton Brown I might have found this combination to be disgusting or extremely strange. However, as I was taught on Good Eats apparently chili powder and chocolate supposedly mix together really well. The ancient Mayans were adding chili to their chocolate long ago and who’s going to argue with people who knew how to rip the still beating hearts out of people to appease their gods? Maybe Kano. Or that guy from Indiana Jones that said Kali Mah. I think he was played by Cory Feldman. (FUN FACT: This is the first time that Kano, Alton Brown and Cory Feldmen have ever been mentioned in the same paragraph)

Not wanting to tick off the ghosts of the ancient Mayans I decided to buy the bar. My curiousity was highly piqued and hey, you people want wacky and this certainly seems to fit the bill. So I bought it, wandered out to an open field and gave it a try:

What? You don’t eat your chocolate in an open field?

Oooo, swanky. You know this is a high class bar of chocolate when you first have to open up a cardboard box to gently slide out the chocolate wrapper.

That guy on the box is really intent on his chocolate

My first impression after unwrapping the foil a bit is that it smells like good dark chocolate. I don’t think I could tell that there’s any chili in it though, there’s not even the slightest hint that this isnt pure chocolate. I’m not going to unwrap the whole bar because it’s very awkward to hold an unwrapped bar of chocolate while taking a nature hike. By the way, you know what I love in particular about Lindt chocolate bars? Let me snap off a piece:

Just look at that fingerprint, I hope I don’t get hacked.

They are not skimpy when it comes to the squares you break off. Plus, just look at that. Tell me you dont want to reach through the screen and pull that piece of chocolate out. Sadly, you cannot as Wonkavision was banned by the FDA when all those Oompa Loompas spontaneously gained Stigmata. It was all over the news in Edmerica. Sad times. Sad wacky times. Sigh. ALRIGHT THEN! Let’s eat!

*om nom nom*

At first all you can taste is dark chocolate. Which is admittedly very good dark chocolate, but what do you expect, its freaking Lindt chocolate. Then the heat creeps up on you, mostly in the back of your tongue and throat, but then it spreads all over. It’s not an oppressive heat just a slight burn, but upon eating a second piece the heat is “notched up a kick”(TM). The problem is, as I’ve discussed in other reviews, the heat doesn’t actually ADD anything to the chocolate. All it does is make my mouth hot. This dark chocolate isn’t really BETTER than normal Lindt dark chocolate, in fact the heat only distracts from the wonderful complex taste of good dark chocolate. So the question is, if it doesn’t add to the taste, what’s the point of eating hot chocolate? It’s almost like something you’d give a friend as a gag. My final thoughts on it, just buy a normal bar and skip this unless your going to prank your friends or your a heat fiend. Final Score:

Well, that concludes my little nature walk and this review. Thank you as always for reading and as always please send all comments, suggestions, praise, etc to Until next time this is Ed DiFolco your Laidback Gourmet wondering…

Are those ponies?

…where the hell am I?

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