The Laidback Gourmet: Dorito’s First Degree Burn Blazin’ Jalapeno

Welcome back to another edition of the Laidback Gourmet, where I review normal food for normal guys and gals. Today’s forecast is 80% chance of crunchiness with the temperature being hot hot hot! It is this joke that makes everyone fall in love with me. (Simpsons reference #1)

Today we are going to be looking at Doritos’ newest gimmick, the “Degree Burns” series of chips. In order to appease the demographic that likes their food to burn coming and going they released three new flavors: Blazin’ Jalapeno, Fiery Buffalo and Scorchin’ Habanero, Jalapeno being called First Degree Burn, Buffalo being called Second Degree Burn and finally Habanero being called Third Degree Burn.

In order to spare my palette unnecessary pain and suffering I’ll only be reviewing the First Degree Burn chips today, “Blazin’ Jalapenos”. Actually, the truth is I got this particular bag of chips for free for buying a soda at the local Quik Chek, and as friends of the Laidback Gourmet can tell you, I never pass up something I can get for free.

So let’s take a look at the bag here.

You know, I have to say, I really like the artwork on the bag here. The chip being engulfed in flames on a bright yellow bag is kind of a cool touch. I know it caught my attention in the store. Well, that and the word “Free with purchase of…”, but the artwork was important too! I swear! Not to mention that these chips aren’t just blazing, they’re blazin’! That missing g not only means that these are extra hot, but they are also hip and cool at the same time!

Well, lets pour out the bag and see what we got here. Typical amount of chips you’d expect for 99 cents, so no complaints there. By looks alone they pretty much look just like typical plain cheese Doritos, although perhaps slightly lighter in color. However, by their smell, you can tell that these are going to have a bit of heat to them. Let’s get ready to taste these guys… but let’s not forget these are BLAZIN’ HOT, and FIRST DEGREE BURNS… so I best don protection.

There we go. Remember kids, safety first! I figured lets have fun with that whole pesky rating thing. I laid out 10 chips on a nice neat paper towel, and we’ll give these chips whatever rating out 10 based on how many I eat.

Ok, now time for the tasting, drum roll please. If I wasn’t so Laidback I’d link to a youtube video of a drum roll. Feel free to do so, I wont stop you. Actually, I am going to stop you, because I know you people, the second you start surfing around on Youtube you’ll be too busy watching episodes of MST3K you’ll forget to read the rest of this review.

Ok, enough stalling, time to get munching.

*crunch crunch*


*Crunch… cough*

*cough… crunch… cough*

Ahem.. They weren’t… Ahem… joking when they said *cough* Blazin’! Ok, I’m exaggerating a bit here, they’re not THAT hot, but they were hot enough where i had to go help myself to the Coke ICEE I was drinking. (I’ll review that another time)

When you first take a bite, there are some interesting flavors going on there that are actually pretty good, but then WHAM!!! the heat hits you and all of those interesting flavors are completely overshadowed. I know some people really enjoy that sort of thing, but for me, I think it really hurts the flavors. Basically I get a quick taste of something good, and then before I can enjoy it, all I taste is heat.

My review, based on how many chips I’ve eaten:

5/10. Depending on how much you like heat, that review comes with a 2 point margin of error. If you really enjoy heat in your foods, you’ll probably really enjoy these. If you prefer for the heat to simply compliment the food you are eating, then like me, you might find these chips to be a bit too “Blazin” for your tastes.

That concludes this edition of the Laidback Gourmet, I hope you enjoyed reading this. Feel free to post a comment under this article, or you can email me at my brand new Email account where you can leave comments, praise, or suggestions on what I should review in the future. Thank you for reading, and remember, “If absolute can be defined, then absolue is not absolute anymore”

…It was a fortune cooking I read earlier today.

…I’ll keep searching for a better catchphrase.

Comments are closed.