Welcome, one and all, to the THIRTY-FIRST edition of The Wide World of Sports-Entertainment. I am your ever-so-gracious host, the man whose physique makes Arnold Schwarzenegger look like Michael Cera, SportsGuy515!
Well, people, it’s that time again – WRESTLEMANIA is upon us. And from the looks of it, we have a pretty stacked card for tonight’s “Showcase of the Immortals” (including the rumor-mill working overtime this weekend). To mark WWOSE’s return to SuperfriendsUniverse.com, I have decided to preview tonight’s big extravaganza while Big D and Mr. Eddie enjoy the show LIVE in Miami.
So, without further adieu, let’s get started…
MAIN: WWE WrestleMania XXVIII PREVIEW
WWE Intercontinental Championship Match
Cody Rhodes (c) vs. Big Show
To be honest, I have been really enjoying the buildup to this match, even if it doesn’t compare (at all) to the buildup for the main events. Every time Rhodes would come out and recap “Another EMBARASSING Big Show WrestleMania moment,” I was on the floor laughing (especially the night they mentioned his “WWF New York” duty during WrestleMania X8 – which, it just hit me, was TEN YEARS AGO. And I remember that event clear as a bell. Man, I’m getting old…)
I just wish this match was given a little more attention, being that it is for a championship (something that has been glossed over this entire feud). And I wouldn’t mind having Rhodes in a legitimate match against a legitimate opponent (Kofi Kingston, anyone?). Anyway, I think Rhodes will retain, adding yet another highlight to Big Show’s WrestleMania “legacy”.
WINNER: Cody Rhodes (STILL CHAMPION)
World Heavyweight Championship Match
Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan (w/AJ) (c)
Here’s another feud that I, for the most part, have been enjoying. And I absolutely LOVE the irony of this match – last year, Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan for the U.S. Title was BUMPED OFF the WrestleMania XXVII card (supposedly to give The Rock’s segments more air-time). One year later, they are fighting for the World Heavyweight Championship on the grand stage, with a 99.999% chance of NOT getting bumped off this year.
Other than seeing how these two mesh in the ring, I’m especially curious as to AJ’s role in the match. My guess is that she will get in front of Bryan as Sheamus attempts a Brogue Kick (like during the tag match on RAW last Monday), except this time, Sheamus is just gonna kick her head straight off. If this happens, look for Bryan to score a quick roll-up to retain. However, I don’t think this is DBry’s night. I say tonight, there will be a NEW World Champ.
WINNER: Sheamus (NEW CHAMPION)
TEAM JOHNNY (Jack Swagger, Drew McIntyre, David Otunga-*captain*, Mark Henry, Dolph Ziggler, and The Miz) vs. TEAM TEDDY (Booker T, The Great Khali, R-Truth, Santino Marella-*captain*, Kofi Kingston, Zack Ryder)
*Winner becomes permanent General Manager of RAW and SmackDown*
Not looking forward to this match too much (would’ve MUCH RATHER SEEN a Money in the Bank match). But I like these multi-man matches for the fact that it gets a lot of the guys a spot on the WM card (and a nice WM payday).
Not much to say on this match except that I think the final four in the match will be Ziggler, Otunga, Santino, and Ryder. And I think we’re going to be seeing A LOT more of “Mr. Excitement” for the next few months.
WINNER: TEAM JOHNNY
WWE Championship Match
CM Punk (c) vs. Chris Jericho
This match has “WRESTLEMANIA MAIN EVENT” written all over it – it just sucks that this match (for the WWE Title, I might add) is being overshadowed by two non-title matches (although I am very much looking forward to those as well). It’s just the “traditionalist” in me that wants to see the WWE Title match close WrestleMania every year.
That being said, I think this match has the potential to STEAL THE SHOW tonight. I am a huge fan of both of these guys (although I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bigger Jericho fan). Any possible result (except a DRAW) would keep me satisfied. While I may, deep down, want Jericho to pull it off, I think Punk is leaving Miami with the gold around his waist. The best part? This feud is just getting started…
WINNER: CM Punk (STILL CHAMPION)
Kane vs. Randy Orton
The definition of “filler”. Buildup has been lackluster, if not nonexistant. Which is why I feel this is one of tonight’s two “piss break” matches. Could care less who wins, but just for argument’s sake, I’ll go with…oh, let’s just say, MOE.
WINNER: Randy Orton
Hell in a Cell Match (“End of an Era”)
The Undertaker vs. Triple H
Guest referee: Shawn Michaels
I’d be lying if I said that, when this match was announced, I didn’t get goosebumps – I did. Not so much for the match itself, but more for the possibilities that this match has. I’m not going to get into rumors and speculation, but for how good this match can possiblly be.
I know what you’re thinking now, “Undertaker can BARELY walk. How is he supposed to put on even a halfway decent match in his condition?” Well, if you remember last year, Undertaker could BARELY walk then, and that match turned out to be the saving grace of an otherwise lackluster WrestleMania. I just see these guys going BALLS to the WALL for this match. As for the winner, I mean, unless WWE wants to start a riot in Miami tonight, WHO ELSE?
WINNER: The Undertaker
Extra‘s Maria Menounos & Kelly Kelly vs. Eve Torres & Beth Phoenix
Ladies and gentlemen, the second of our TWO “piss break” matches for tonight. Again, I could care less who wins or how bad this match ends up being, but because WWE likes to pander to celebrities, I pick the team with the celebrity in it to go over.
P.S. On the plus side, all of these chicks are smokin’ hot. So in the end, I’m not complaining.
WINNERS: Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos
John Cena vs. The Rock
A year’s worth of hype. A year’s worth of buildup. A year’s worth of trash-talking. It all comes down to this one match, tonight, on the grandest stage of them all.
I’m not going to get into whether this match will be any good or if it even deserves to close WrestleMania XXVIII. Why? Because I’m sure both Cena and Rock know just how HUGE this match is going to be and, like Taker/HHH, they’re going to go BALLS to the WALL and leave it all in the ring tonight.
The real question (and the question on EVERYONE’s mind) is this: “WHO’S GOING OVER?” It basically comes down to ONE THING – is TONIGHT’S MATCH a ONE-TIME THING? If it is, then, without a doubt, John Cena will go over. However, if this is just the first of 2 or 3 matches between these guys, then The Rock, in his hometown of Miami, FL, will be victorious. Will there be any sort of “shenanigans” in this match? Well, the dirt sheets seem to think so, but I’m going to just wait and see what happens tonight, and hope for the best.
For me to be this excited about one match, I think WWE actually did something right. And I’m probably alone in my opinion, but that’s how I feel. So enough talk, let’s just see what goes down. But if I HAD to choose, then…
WINNER: The Rock
And that’ll wrap up Issue #31 of The Wide World of Sports-Entertainment. As always, any questions, comments, or feedback in general, send an email to email@example.com
FORCED PERSPECTIVE, Episode 13 will (hopefully) record this Thursday night for a Friday site-drop. Look out for it then!
The Wide World of Sports-Entertainment #32 will recap/review WrestleMania XXVIII – look for it tomorrow!
Enjoy WrestleMania tonight, everybody – until tomorrow, I’m out!